Things a Dog Must Remember

Things a Dog Must Remember!

By Lisa Evans

The rubbish collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats’ food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
“Kitty box crunchies,” although they are tasty, are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the back garden after processing.
The nappy pail is not a biscuit jar.
I will not chew my humans’ toothbrushes and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal Mum’s underwear and dance all over the back garden with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum’s & Dad’s laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mum’s driver’s license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom rubbish, to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not use “roll around in the dirt” as an option just after getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person’s leg just because I think it is the right thing to do.
I will not fart in my owners’ faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

Lisa Evans is Owner of Anythingdogz Limited in London, England. Find her Web site of useful and fun dog products at  Lisa offers humor, unique wisdom and dog friendly ideas on LinkedIn groups. Find Lisa Evans on LinkedIn  or follow Anythingdogz on Twitter.

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