Things a Dog Must Remember!
By Lisa Evans
The rubbish collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats’ food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
“Kitty box crunchies,” although they are tasty, are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the back garden after processing.
The nappy pail is not a biscuit jar.
I will not chew my humans’ toothbrushes and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal Mum’s underwear and dance all over the back garden with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum’s & Dad’s laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mum’s driver’s license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom rubbish, to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not use “roll around in the dirt” as an option just after getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person’s leg just because I think it is the right thing to do.
I will not fart in my owners’ faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
Lisa Evans is Owner of Anythingdogz Limited in London, England. Find her Web site of useful and fun dog products at Anythingdoz.co.uk/ Lisa offers humor, unique wisdom and dog friendly ideas on LinkedIn groups. Find Lisa Evans on LinkedIn or follow Anythingdogz on Twitter.