8 ways to replace “No” (works on dogs & kids)

Check this out! No more “NO!”

“I find this fascinating. When you read the comments on this post, which I found on a page about educating children, you will see how difficult it is for people to make the shift from ‘controlling behaviour’ to ‘teaching social skills’.”

“It is obvious that a lot of us were brought up by the ‘(word) No, because I say so’ school of controlling behavior and it is no wonder it is so often transferred to the way we try and train dogs.”

“We now know that ‘No’ doesn’t help the child or the dog know what to do instead. If it happens too much, he/she will lose the confidence to offer behaviour at all. Many so-called ‘good’ dogs are just closed down and helpless. They are often also depressed. (Which is why I chose the name Good Dog Practice, as a pun on this unfortunate tradition.) It is also interesting that, in the comments, the association between advocating ‘No’ and advocating ‘spanking or hitting your children’ (control by violence) is very quick.”  Rosee Riggs on Facebook for Good Dog Practice

at the Vet & not happy!
at the Vet & not happy!


4 thoughts on “8 ways to replace “No” (works on dogs & kids)

  1. Greetings You have been busy today. And it occurs to me reading the list of “no” alternatives. i used so many of those as a parent, but I’ve become a cranky old woman, as it seems these every thing out of mouth is NO. i will rethink my verbiage and delivery. TY Annibella

    You may find more information on me or Equisance. Inc at Moon Valley Ranch:http://www.equisance.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Equisance-Inc-at-Moon-Valley-Ranch/662971440443305?ref=bookmarks LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=

    Date: Fri, 15 May 2015

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting twice in one day! You’ve set the bar high for a first time reply. I love that you have included your Website.

      I, too, have used NO when other responses would have helped me and my kid or my dogs. These days, I hear other parents struggling in super markets with their young ones, so I wish I could just had them a postcard with this printed on it. Maybe I will!

      Missing you, your man and the ranch horses. Hugs, Deborah


  2. Thank you, Deborah, for reposting this.
    These are my passions: non-violent communication and teaching social skills positively and fairly. Social skills mean for me the ability to make wise decisions in social situations. After all, isn’t this what we want to be able to do? and wish that our fellow citizens – and their dogs – are also able to do?
    For this, we have to be acquainted from a young age with making choices, according to our ability. In the case of a young child, I would not ask the question, ‘Do you want to go to bed or not?’ Instead, I would say, ‘When you go to bed, would you like me to read you this story or this one?’. The child is empowered to take part in appropriate decision – making, according to his/her skill level. Later in life, the older child will be able to decide what is an appropriate time to go to bed.
    In this way, gradually, we build up our skills and our confidence.
    The process is transferrable to the education of dogs.
    To my mind, there is no ethical value in decisions or actions which are forced by the use of fear, intimidation, pain, psychological pressure, or controlling equipment. They should be made out of the spirit of voluntary cooperation. Good positive behaviour counsellors are trained to do this.
    In the case of dogs, positive education not only makes them happier, but also safer and more reliable companions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rosee for giving me permission to repost your Facebook comments and image here on Dog Leader Mysteries. What a lovely surprise to read your comment after our travels that caused us to skip a day. I so wish I had you as a mentor when I was 14 years old!

      Hugs, Deborah


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